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Linear Lives

    Do I do this to myself? Do I make opportunity, or is fate really thrusting chances at me? I almost always get what I want, and like many songs/tales/movie quotes go, getting what you want “is gonna break you, it’s gonna break your heart”. Usually, if I really want to get somewhere, I put my feelers out, shoot the shit with some of my long time friends, old work mates, etc. etc. and see whats going on and what comes up. I often wonder if that is my impatience trying to over ride fate, or if it fate prompting me to make a move? Chicken or the egg people?! 

   Well, anyways, this time, school starts next Tuesday, and I am, last minute, trying to go. My old boss happened to connect with me recently, and offer me my job back, even saying he would hold the position for me for a while. UNH has been in contact about signing up for classes, which all happened to line up smoothly. (I actually looked at the schedule for the first time last night, I have not been THIS close to getting back to school YET! I have an actual, tentative schedule, more than I’ve hoped for!) 

     I would literally be giving up everything for a few months. I would crash with a friend and not be able to bring anything. That’s not terrible, though, as long as I’m not burdening anyone. It is just terrifying to have everything you want dangling so close, and have to make such a huge, drastic decision and enact it quickly. 

    Well, my life never has followed a linear path. It seems that all my decisions are drastic, always glazed with plenty of pros and one or two large cons that make it very difficult to choose between. I have seen a few things today that told me to follow my gut, and never doubt that instinct, which is how I always live and in the end always end up making my decision by, but this time I am hesitant. I want to do right. Yet, I feel like I am turning away the chance I am dying for if I stay. I could also be upending everything I just started to progress with if I leave so soon and quickly, though. We shall see. 


     And thus is the life of a pond frog, jumping from one lily pad to another lily pad, contemplating all the water in between every leap. 

The Curse of Being Free

     I will never know what it is. I will deny it, even as I admit it to you now, that I will always absolutely adore B. I spent a solid hour or so talking to him last night online, and it is funny how the moment he responds my heart picks up just a mili-beat. How when he tells me not to worry, suddenly I don’t. He tells me things will fall into place, and suddenly I believe they will, and then they do. XX tells me all the time that he is my soul mate, and I’m not leaping that far ahead of myself, but is it OK for me to assume there is some bond that has not completely frayed between us? We don’t talk often, but I never worry about that. I know we will catch up (as I do with everyone), and I have a sort of calm understanding that our paths will cross again. He will never quite understand how dear I hold him and how I value his every opinion. 

    I wish I was girlfriend material. I’m just not. I have come to terms with that over and over again, but when I talk to him I just wish that I could be something I am not. Lithe and graceful, desirable, and most importantly , stable. Yet I’m a flitting little bird that takes off and is sometimes calm and sometimes a whirlwind, sometimes complacent and at other times just plain overwhelming. I have been told time and time again that I am intimidating, partly because of my extra free spirit, but I wish I was not. I wish I could say to the ones who want to love me and that I want to be loved by, that no, I could be still for you. I could fluff my wings and sit for a moment on this branch and watch the sun set if you’d tell me you really wanted my company. 

    Anyways, I am certainly not for B. 

    I will be going to visit him soon, and even though I am dreaming up a million ways to hold him I know that I won’t because in the end it would mean more to me than it does to him, and I don’t want to feel that again.  

    As always, I am thankful to have him the way I do and I will love him endlessly as a friend is that is the only way I ever can. 


Love Always, 


More Oil Pulling

    I got coconut oil! While the sensation of an oily mouth is still something to get used to, I cannot deny that I believe in the practice now! After (how long has it been?) the last week or so of trying it out has proved some results. My sinuses are much better, and last night I had a swollen spot on my gums, and once I did the oil pulling the swelling immediately went down and my gums are back to normal this morning! 


Has anyone else tried it? What are your thoughts? 



I Just Tried Oil Pulling for the First Time!

Image   All I had on hand was Extra Virgin Olive Oil. The reviews said that was good enough, so that is what I used the first time! I was worried that I would not be able to handle the sensation of a mouth full of oil, but it truly was not bad! I did it while in the shower, which one writer suggested, and it was fabulous! I have been stuffy with the onset of winter and dry air/heat etc. etc. I also had a cold that blocked me up and never really cleared, and already I feel like I am breathing so much better! There are all sorts of benefits, check out this article that names a few and has some good information about the ancient practice! Give it a try!!

On Being Unemployed

I have read a lot of articles recently addressing the ever present issue of unemployment, yet all these articles have taken on a different tone. This is my first real bout of “unemployment”,  and this first go around has taught me a lot. What many of these articles have said, and what I thankfully learned on my own early on, is that you do not need to be ashamed. There are a lot of people on the battlefront next to you, searching and trying their hardest to get a job as well.

One other thing I have seen coming up quite a bit are articles on different thought processes. One I just read was how rich people think differently from not-rich people. I admit that I do think like a poor person, but at least I have been awakened to some attitude adjustments that will help me better myself.

What I really want to talk about, though, is how lucky I am to be unemployed. Am I stressing out because my credit score is plummeting as we speak as bills pile up that cannot be paid?  I should be, but I’m not right now. Mostly, this is an opportunity to find a way to make money doing what I love! I love writing, and I never thought it could be something to live off of (and , well , it isn’t), but it can be a way to make money if I put in the time and effort. I have never had so much time to dedicate to my craft (and I wish I was dedicating more time, I am such a procrastinator!) but the the amount of time I have been putting towards it has already opened doors for me as I mingle with writers and creative  minds a like in my community.

      Anyways I am so excited for this opportunity to break away from the modern work world and find a way to WRITE!



End rant folks, thank you.